Take a deep breath, says Lisa Damour of the Center for Research on Girls at Laurel School. Remember that parents are just people who have kids.

Once you acknowledge your own imperfections -- something that your teenager will likely be happy to assist you with -- it gets easier to see that your kids are struggling to define themselves in light of you.

However painful teenage rebellion might be for parents, it has historically contributed to innovation, says Damour. "I'm pretty sure it was a cave teenager who first discovered fire," she joked with a capacity crowd at the recent TEDxCLE event at the Cleveland Museum of Art, where she was a featured speaker.

Because teenagers typically reject advice that is offered by parents and respond poorly to judgment, it is important to show teens that we care about what happens to them and to help them identify positive mentors outside of their parents.

"We need less handwringing, more understanding," said Damour, a psychologist and an expert on adolescent development. "We need to surround them with good teachers and mentors. The fewer people that complain about teenagers and the more that see it as everyone's job to help them grow up, the better off we'll be."

Source: Lisa Damour
Writer: Lee Chilcote